The Year that WAS (2007)

Brace yourself because this is kinda long! (for the malicious mind there ... yeah i know, I laughed too! hehehe)

New year of 2008, I wanted to blog about something. While I was cleaning the house. It hit me, Why not write about my life that happened 2007).

Mostly, My life in 2008 revolved in chatting. Mainly in downelink (www.downelink.com). Downelink is a chat for gays and lesbians. I heard it from a lesbian friend that there are a lot of gorgeous guys there. 2006 when I started to join Downelink. There where no chat rooms then. I just cruised around. Then when Feb started, there was a maintenance of the site, saying that there will be improvements. I noticed that there was a link now for chat so I logged in. Funny thing. There were no chatters it was only Me. I stayed till people came in. Then I met some new friends that became regular chatters. Then eventually, the chatters increased. Then On May of 2007 the first get together happened. I was just kidding then, that I would help. But the funny thing is, I became one of the organizers. Good thing Geoff was there, he help me a lot during the first get together. I've met new friends. There was 20+ attendees.

After that first get together. The people enjoyed it. And the meetings became regular. Though I didn't attended most of the gatherings.

Before the gatherings I was already on the quest of losing weight. But it was gradual and the motivation wasn't there. I had crushes on the chat site but I couldn't make a move because mainly I was humongous. So I dedicated myself in losing weight. In a span of 1 year I already lost 60+lbs and I below 200 lbs. The last time I was less than 200 lbs was in HS. I know I am still fat because I'm still at 190+ lbs. My goal weight is between 140 - 150 lbs.

before and after pic the right pic was taken dec 25, 2007

After the 1st get together, I met a lot of new friends. Most of them consulted me with their love problems. The funny thing is I was able to give them advice. They said that maybe I have gone thru a lot or had a lot of relationship before. But the truth is I don't. Maybe I just have a fresh perspective in lovelife.

Time went by and I attended some of the get togethers. Met more people. Some of the people became close to me.

The ended with a Christmas party. I became one of the organizers and even hosted it with Geoff.

The weirdest thing that happened to me was that I fell for someone. I never thought that it would happen. I believed before that it was stupid to fall for someone in a chatroom, but I did. A personal friend of mine had a crush on this guy. I introduce my friend to him. But before that I already had a long time crush on that guy. But I hid it. Then I became their bridge. They would run to me if they have misunderstandings. My feelings became deeper and deeper. I felt stupid. My friend and the guy are now together. I'm still mending a broken heart. My year ended bitterly. But I guess, that's how life goes. The ups and downs ... just like a roller coaster.

New years eve, I cooked a simple meal for me and my mother. Most of my sibling already have a family so they spent the it at their own homes. We weren't able to eat it together because I was so tired and hungry that day. I ate first.

Then I went online and greeted the New Year with my two closest online buddies. Rchard and Njay. I am also very excited because they 'll be in manila this January 6.

In a gist, The year flew by so fast. There were problems that happened, some where solved some where not. Met new friends, Fell in love, got broken hearted, and chat ... and chatted more!

This coming new year would be better. That would be on the next blog. See You! hehehe

Kung ako nalang sana

Heto ka na naman
Kumakatok saking pintuan
Muli naghahanap ng makakausap
At heto naman ako
Nakikinig sa mga kwento mong paulit-ulit lang
Nagtitiis kahit nasasaktan ...

Ewan ko bakit ba hindi ka pa nadadala
Hindi ba't kailan lang nang ika'y iwanan nya
At ewan ko nga sa 'yo
Parang balewala ang puso ko
Ano nga bang meron siya
Na sa akin ay di mo makita ...

Refrain:
Kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal
Di ka na muling mag-iisa
Kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Di ka na mangangailangan pang humanap ng iba
Narito ang puso ko
Naghihintay lamang sa iyo, oh-oh-oh ...

Heto pa rin ako
Umaasang ang puso mo
Baka sakali pang ito'y magbago
Narito lang ako
Kasama mo buong buhay mo
Ang kulang na lang
Mahalin mo rin akong lubusan ...
(Repeat refrain)

Kung ako na lang sana, oh-oh-oh..
(Repeat refrain)

Kung ako na lang sana ...

Avoid Stress

I mentioned that two weeks ago, I have been having this migraine. At first it was really serious, I was taking meds but there was no effect.

So I decided to consult a doctor. We don't have a family doctor, so i just walked in to Medical City in fairview. Then I said to the receptionist that I've been having this problems. Then she said that it was an ENT specialist that I need to consult. I was there around 4 pm and they said that the doctor will be arriving at 5 pm. So I decided to walk in the mall. It was really hard for me to walk because of the pain I'm experiencing. After an hour, I went back to the clinic. And the doctor was late! And the worse, I was at the bottom of the list. Damn. I can't endure the pain any longer! So finally After waiting for 2 hrs. It was my turn.

I told the doctor that I have been having this migraine for more than 2 weeks now. And I felt a lump in my neck. Then he examined my ears, my nose and my eyes. He said there was no infection. Then suddenly, He ask me, are you experiencing a lot of stress these past few weeks. And I said yes. After that he gave me my prescription and paid my bill. I walk out of the clinic.

I didn't know that stress would cause that kind of pain. Usually even if I have stress, I don't get migraine. It was really true. For the people out there, try to live a balance life and try to be happy because if you don't it will manifest in you. A migraine, a pimple, eyebags or maybe even cancer.

Live healthy and leave happy!

Random Thoughts 2

I feel like writing today, It's a good day today!
The Weather Man
The weather is freaking fantastic! Actually, it's really gloomy outside. Rain pouring in like there's no tomorrow. But I like it. Am I weird? Some people doesn't like that kind of weather but for me I really love it. It's so peaceful outside, people are in their houses doesn't want to go out. I suggest to put on your favorite sweatshirt doesn't necessarily be new. It's a good time for a hot soup or coffee probably then a good background music (not those suicidal songs) chill-out music perhaps. After dinner, a glass of vodka currant in you're hand while nibbling on some nachos. Doesn't matter if you're with a love one or not. Just try to enjoy it. Feel the serenity of the weather. Ahhh Just love it!
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The Homecoming
On November 18, My mother will be coming home. Mixed emotions coming in but the primary feeling is excitement. It has been a year since my mother left for the US. My brother petitioned him there. In my excitement, I bought new curtains (as in the works, curtain rods and hooks). Partly it's a cover up hehehe. The business she left, kinda fell down but I still manage to retain it but there was a big lost so I'm kind of scared also hehehe

I also got some new ornaments for the our xmas tree. I wanted a gold motif so i bought some gold beads, poinsettia, lace. All Gold! Since I'm on a gold motif hehehe The curtains that I bought was matte gold with gold linings. Hahaha I know what's with the GOLD thing. I posted some pictures: (sorry for the lighting i just used a webcam)


The golden Christmas tree : It's about 8 Feet, I think. The angel on top is a foot away from the ceiling hahaha. I normally don't do this (posting pictures for all of cyberspace to see) but I really love what I've done with the tree.



The Curtains : The curtains is gold too but not the yellow gold but matte, creamish (inventing my own words again hehehe). It looks expensive but I got it from a sale hehehe.




Balls of Fury: Do you see that red things on the right? hehehe the picture is so dark. Last year my motif was for the tree was red. I don't know what to do with those RED BALLS! hahaha So what I did was to tied up the RED BALLS (funny! bwahaha i can't get over it) then hang them! hahaha


BRUNO : The Christmas German Shepard Stuff Toy (try to say that 10 times hehehe)


MORE CURTAIN SHOTS!


And finally, The Traditional Nativity Scene. I think Christmas decors will not be complete. Besides who's birthday is it anyway?

I think Christmas would be better because my mother is coming home. Yahoo!

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Fixing a Broken Heart

It was broken ever since so what's the point in fixing it. hehehe Maybe I should get a new one. Don't yah think?

The Battle Continues

I apologize because most of my blog about my weight lost is mostly discouraging. I feel that I am not exerting enough effort. As I've said on my previous blog it is really hard. Here are the main reason and I guess some people could relate to it.

1. People saying that you're fat - Whenever some people see me and say that I'm really big I feel bad. I feel that I am worthless and the effort that I've exerted is useless.

2. Dining out or Going Out - I wanted to see my friends but I dread it at the same time because I would be eating food that I cannot control. Most of the time we would order different dishes mostly high in carbs and fats. It's hard to stay away. I don't want to seclude myself.

3. Food at the House - Normally what I would do is to separate the food that I eat but whenever I see the food that was cooked for my house mates I get tempted.

4. Alone in the gym - I think it should be a protocol to have a gym buddy. It would be funner to go to the gym because you get motivated and you won't notice the work that you are doing. Though there is a downside, you might end up eating after the workout.

5. Personal Problem - if you have personal problem like family, financial or even love that might affect you a lot. I am an emotional eater so a small trigger would get me off track and start binging in food.

Anyway, I usually weigh myself in the gym, It has been a while since I was able to go to the gym. When I went out with a friend last Sunday, the Mercury drug weighing grabbed my attention. So I tried it on. The last measurement I did was last November of 2006 and my weight then was 240. I tried again after a year and I got 212. so it's like 2lbs in a month, damn I need to increase my effort.

NOVEMBER 2006


NOVEMBER 2007

The Battle Continues

I was track again. I apologize because most of my blog about my weight lost is mostly discouraging. I feel that I am not exerting enough effort. As I've said on my previous blog it is really hard. Here are the main reason and I guess some people could relate to it.

1. People saying that you're fat - Whenever some people see me and say that I'm really big I feel bad. I feel that I am worthless and the effort that I've exerted is useless.

2. Dining out or Going Out - I wanted to see my friends but I dread it at the same time because I would be eating food that I cannot control. Most of the time we would order different dishes mostly high in carbs and fats. It's hard to stay away. I don't want to seclude myself.

3. Food at the House - Normally what I would do is to separate the food that I eat but whenever I see the food that was cooked for my house mates I get tempted.

4. Alone in the gym - I think it should be a protocol to have a gym buddy. It would be funner to go to the gym because you get motivated and you won't notice the work that you are doing. Though there is a downside, you might end up eating after the workout.

5. Personal Problem - if you have personal problem like family, financial or even love that might affect you a lot. I am an emotional eater so a small trigger would get me off track and start binging in food.

Anyway, I usually weigh myself in the gym, It has been a while since I was able to go to the gym. When I went out with a friend last Sunday, the Mercury drug weighing grabbed my attention. So I tried it on. The last measurement I did was last November of 2006 and my weight then was 240. I tried again after a year and I got 212. so it's like 2lbs in a month, damn I need to increase my effort.

NOVEMBER 2006


NOVEMBER 2007

IT'S JERICHO THE BITCH!

“Everything I need to learn, I learned in kindergarten”. Bullshit! Everything I need to learn I learned when I graduated. I learned that in life it’s either you get eaten or be eaten (sounds kinky hehehe). They should have prepared us to be warriors in kindergarten. Learned how to fight. They should have thought us the secrets on how not to get affected by the people that was born to be bitches and bastard. To stand up and go for the kill and feel nothing after.

Being brutal is a thing that should have been instilled in the minds of the people. Because kindness suffocates us, it suppresses our emotions. It makes us weak and it kills us. Hiding things from us just to protect us but in the end when you learned the truth it is much more very (all the superlative hehehe) painful. They should have thought us how to block and counter attack. And the counter attack should be deadly. I grew up always being nice trying not to hurt other people feelings but in the end you are the one who carries the burden. I hope I know some martial arts. I have a hidden passion to learn how to throw a knife and hitting the target in the heart.

I don’t like to be nice anymore, you get taken for granted. But I can’t help it, It’s already part of my skin. No matter how bitchy I tried I can’t remove the sugar and spice and everything nice. I wish that there is a chemical "X" that you can take just like the power puff girls so you can have the power to defeat people or a potion that will turn you to Mr. Hyde.

I also would like to say things to people that is playing in my mind and don’t feel guilty about it. I want to be crazy so I can have an excuse to be bitchy. Slowly I’m feeling burned out. Getting tired. I’m tired of listening to other people and wish that sometimes they listen to me and take me seriously and ask me if I'm okay and really mean it.

THINGS I HATE!

I hate people who likes shortcuts I feel everyone is equal they should go the right way. I hate people who are corrupt and try to make money from you. I hate people that pretends they are listening but the don't. I hate interrupters and won’t let me finish my thoughts it makes me feel disrespected. I hate "know it all people" it makes me feel stupid. I hate it when people corrects my grammar because I feel conscious and end up mixing my words and thoughts. I hate people who doesn’t know how to appreciate it makes me feel worthless. I hate perfectionist because nobody is perfect. I hate my life because it’s like a series of unfortunate events come to life and I feel I'm losing control. I hate people who doesn’t answer text messages there’s no excuse for it. I hate people who doesn’t have time for me because I am always available when they need me. I hate it when I feel down and I feel there’s no one to talk too. I hate people who competes with your problem saying there are more unfortunate and there are more unfortunate people than me.

Wow that's relieving, sarap! try nyo! hehehe

disclaimer : minsan lang to pagbigyan niyo na, If you think I'm a bitch or plastic this blog is successful in stirring up your emotions.hahaha I know you feel the same way too.

Bangungot sa Siesta

Exactly at 12 noon today, October 10, 2007 my father's package arrived from abroad. The usual stuffs, canned good, noodles, dates, some clothes but what got excited me the most was this 3 big bags of Van Houten Hazel Nut Chocolates. I immediate grab and and hid it. I was craving for this chocolate for a long time since I have been dieting. Then there's also a can of sour creme pringles. I couldn't help my self. I went back to my room and ate the 1 whole bar of the Van Houten as if there was no tomorrow. The sun has not been kind today, It was scorching hot. I went down to the living room and put on a dvd. While watching a munching on the pringles. It was total bliss. In the middle of the movie I fell asleep. Then it happened ...

I was in deep sleep, My dream was very real. I went back to dubai and same thing the plane crashed. I have been having this bad dream before but it stopped. Then it came back again. Fortunately, in that dream I just got of the plane or sometimes when I got left and I would see the plane burst into flames. Have you notice that sometimes dreams are not in sequence. After that unfaithful incident, Suddenly I was like going after a long time crush of mine. He's in UAE by the way. And he said that he's happy with his relationship, to leave him alone and that he was there for his son. I was shocked. Son? you don't have a son and you broken up with your girlfriend. Then I woke up, still lying in the sofa in the living room. My hands was over my head then I felt someone tugging my hand. It felt so real. I couldn't move. I wanted to shout. I was asking .. "sino ka?". The person keep on tugging it. I was trying to scramble but I couldn't move. I realize, I was still dreaming. I'm trying to wake up. Trying to shout but it was like my lips were glued. My right arm was suddenly free. I then tried to hit the center table with my hand. To no use, I was still in my nightmare. I felt that, that was my end. No more waking up. I tried to bite my tounge. Luckily. I woke up. I was drench in sweat. I felt so tired. I wanted to get up but I can't. Then I felt that I was falling asleep again. I forced my butt of to stand up and get water. Then I went up to my bedroom.

It has been a long time since I last had a nightmare like this. Was it a wake up call. Or was I just being punished for binging on chocolates and junk food. Scary. Just wanted to share.