Random Thoughts 2

I feel like writing today, It's a good day today!
The Weather Man
The weather is freaking fantastic! Actually, it's really gloomy outside. Rain pouring in like there's no tomorrow. But I like it. Am I weird? Some people doesn't like that kind of weather but for me I really love it. It's so peaceful outside, people are in their houses doesn't want to go out. I suggest to put on your favorite sweatshirt doesn't necessarily be new. It's a good time for a hot soup or coffee probably then a good background music (not those suicidal songs) chill-out music perhaps. After dinner, a glass of vodka currant in you're hand while nibbling on some nachos. Doesn't matter if you're with a love one or not. Just try to enjoy it. Feel the serenity of the weather. Ahhh Just love it!
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The Homecoming
On November 18, My mother will be coming home. Mixed emotions coming in but the primary feeling is excitement. It has been a year since my mother left for the US. My brother petitioned him there. In my excitement, I bought new curtains (as in the works, curtain rods and hooks). Partly it's a cover up hehehe. The business she left, kinda fell down but I still manage to retain it but there was a big lost so I'm kind of scared also hehehe

I also got some new ornaments for the our xmas tree. I wanted a gold motif so i bought some gold beads, poinsettia, lace. All Gold! Since I'm on a gold motif hehehe The curtains that I bought was matte gold with gold linings. Hahaha I know what's with the GOLD thing. I posted some pictures: (sorry for the lighting i just used a webcam)


The golden Christmas tree : It's about 8 Feet, I think. The angel on top is a foot away from the ceiling hahaha. I normally don't do this (posting pictures for all of cyberspace to see) but I really love what I've done with the tree.



The Curtains : The curtains is gold too but not the yellow gold but matte, creamish (inventing my own words again hehehe). It looks expensive but I got it from a sale hehehe.




Balls of Fury: Do you see that red things on the right? hehehe the picture is so dark. Last year my motif was for the tree was red. I don't know what to do with those RED BALLS! hahaha So what I did was to tied up the RED BALLS (funny! bwahaha i can't get over it) then hang them! hahaha


BRUNO : The Christmas German Shepard Stuff Toy (try to say that 10 times hehehe)


MORE CURTAIN SHOTS!


And finally, The Traditional Nativity Scene. I think Christmas decors will not be complete. Besides who's birthday is it anyway?

I think Christmas would be better because my mother is coming home. Yahoo!

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Fixing a Broken Heart

It was broken ever since so what's the point in fixing it. hehehe Maybe I should get a new one. Don't yah think?

The Battle Continues

I apologize because most of my blog about my weight lost is mostly discouraging. I feel that I am not exerting enough effort. As I've said on my previous blog it is really hard. Here are the main reason and I guess some people could relate to it.

1. People saying that you're fat - Whenever some people see me and say that I'm really big I feel bad. I feel that I am worthless and the effort that I've exerted is useless.

2. Dining out or Going Out - I wanted to see my friends but I dread it at the same time because I would be eating food that I cannot control. Most of the time we would order different dishes mostly high in carbs and fats. It's hard to stay away. I don't want to seclude myself.

3. Food at the House - Normally what I would do is to separate the food that I eat but whenever I see the food that was cooked for my house mates I get tempted.

4. Alone in the gym - I think it should be a protocol to have a gym buddy. It would be funner to go to the gym because you get motivated and you won't notice the work that you are doing. Though there is a downside, you might end up eating after the workout.

5. Personal Problem - if you have personal problem like family, financial or even love that might affect you a lot. I am an emotional eater so a small trigger would get me off track and start binging in food.

Anyway, I usually weigh myself in the gym, It has been a while since I was able to go to the gym. When I went out with a friend last Sunday, the Mercury drug weighing grabbed my attention. So I tried it on. The last measurement I did was last November of 2006 and my weight then was 240. I tried again after a year and I got 212. so it's like 2lbs in a month, damn I need to increase my effort.

NOVEMBER 2006


NOVEMBER 2007

The Battle Continues

I was track again. I apologize because most of my blog about my weight lost is mostly discouraging. I feel that I am not exerting enough effort. As I've said on my previous blog it is really hard. Here are the main reason and I guess some people could relate to it.

1. People saying that you're fat - Whenever some people see me and say that I'm really big I feel bad. I feel that I am worthless and the effort that I've exerted is useless.

2. Dining out or Going Out - I wanted to see my friends but I dread it at the same time because I would be eating food that I cannot control. Most of the time we would order different dishes mostly high in carbs and fats. It's hard to stay away. I don't want to seclude myself.

3. Food at the House - Normally what I would do is to separate the food that I eat but whenever I see the food that was cooked for my house mates I get tempted.

4. Alone in the gym - I think it should be a protocol to have a gym buddy. It would be funner to go to the gym because you get motivated and you won't notice the work that you are doing. Though there is a downside, you might end up eating after the workout.

5. Personal Problem - if you have personal problem like family, financial or even love that might affect you a lot. I am an emotional eater so a small trigger would get me off track and start binging in food.

Anyway, I usually weigh myself in the gym, It has been a while since I was able to go to the gym. When I went out with a friend last Sunday, the Mercury drug weighing grabbed my attention. So I tried it on. The last measurement I did was last November of 2006 and my weight then was 240. I tried again after a year and I got 212. so it's like 2lbs in a month, damn I need to increase my effort.

NOVEMBER 2006


NOVEMBER 2007

IT'S JERICHO THE BITCH!

“Everything I need to learn, I learned in kindergarten”. Bullshit! Everything I need to learn I learned when I graduated. I learned that in life it’s either you get eaten or be eaten (sounds kinky hehehe). They should have prepared us to be warriors in kindergarten. Learned how to fight. They should have thought us the secrets on how not to get affected by the people that was born to be bitches and bastard. To stand up and go for the kill and feel nothing after.

Being brutal is a thing that should have been instilled in the minds of the people. Because kindness suffocates us, it suppresses our emotions. It makes us weak and it kills us. Hiding things from us just to protect us but in the end when you learned the truth it is much more very (all the superlative hehehe) painful. They should have thought us how to block and counter attack. And the counter attack should be deadly. I grew up always being nice trying not to hurt other people feelings but in the end you are the one who carries the burden. I hope I know some martial arts. I have a hidden passion to learn how to throw a knife and hitting the target in the heart.

I don’t like to be nice anymore, you get taken for granted. But I can’t help it, It’s already part of my skin. No matter how bitchy I tried I can’t remove the sugar and spice and everything nice. I wish that there is a chemical "X" that you can take just like the power puff girls so you can have the power to defeat people or a potion that will turn you to Mr. Hyde.

I also would like to say things to people that is playing in my mind and don’t feel guilty about it. I want to be crazy so I can have an excuse to be bitchy. Slowly I’m feeling burned out. Getting tired. I’m tired of listening to other people and wish that sometimes they listen to me and take me seriously and ask me if I'm okay and really mean it.

THINGS I HATE!

I hate people who likes shortcuts I feel everyone is equal they should go the right way. I hate people who are corrupt and try to make money from you. I hate people that pretends they are listening but the don't. I hate interrupters and won’t let me finish my thoughts it makes me feel disrespected. I hate "know it all people" it makes me feel stupid. I hate it when people corrects my grammar because I feel conscious and end up mixing my words and thoughts. I hate people who doesn’t know how to appreciate it makes me feel worthless. I hate perfectionist because nobody is perfect. I hate my life because it’s like a series of unfortunate events come to life and I feel I'm losing control. I hate people who doesn’t answer text messages there’s no excuse for it. I hate people who doesn’t have time for me because I am always available when they need me. I hate it when I feel down and I feel there’s no one to talk too. I hate people who competes with your problem saying there are more unfortunate and there are more unfortunate people than me.

Wow that's relieving, sarap! try nyo! hehehe

disclaimer : minsan lang to pagbigyan niyo na, If you think I'm a bitch or plastic this blog is successful in stirring up your emotions.hahaha I know you feel the same way too.

Bangungot sa Siesta

Exactly at 12 noon today, October 10, 2007 my father's package arrived from abroad. The usual stuffs, canned good, noodles, dates, some clothes but what got excited me the most was this 3 big bags of Van Houten Hazel Nut Chocolates. I immediate grab and and hid it. I was craving for this chocolate for a long time since I have been dieting. Then there's also a can of sour creme pringles. I couldn't help my self. I went back to my room and ate the 1 whole bar of the Van Houten as if there was no tomorrow. The sun has not been kind today, It was scorching hot. I went down to the living room and put on a dvd. While watching a munching on the pringles. It was total bliss. In the middle of the movie I fell asleep. Then it happened ...

I was in deep sleep, My dream was very real. I went back to dubai and same thing the plane crashed. I have been having this bad dream before but it stopped. Then it came back again. Fortunately, in that dream I just got of the plane or sometimes when I got left and I would see the plane burst into flames. Have you notice that sometimes dreams are not in sequence. After that unfaithful incident, Suddenly I was like going after a long time crush of mine. He's in UAE by the way. And he said that he's happy with his relationship, to leave him alone and that he was there for his son. I was shocked. Son? you don't have a son and you broken up with your girlfriend. Then I woke up, still lying in the sofa in the living room. My hands was over my head then I felt someone tugging my hand. It felt so real. I couldn't move. I wanted to shout. I was asking .. "sino ka?". The person keep on tugging it. I was trying to scramble but I couldn't move. I realize, I was still dreaming. I'm trying to wake up. Trying to shout but it was like my lips were glued. My right arm was suddenly free. I then tried to hit the center table with my hand. To no use, I was still in my nightmare. I felt that, that was my end. No more waking up. I tried to bite my tounge. Luckily. I woke up. I was drench in sweat. I felt so tired. I wanted to get up but I can't. Then I felt that I was falling asleep again. I forced my butt of to stand up and get water. Then I went up to my bedroom.

It has been a long time since I last had a nightmare like this. Was it a wake up call. Or was I just being punished for binging on chocolates and junk food. Scary. Just wanted to share.

It's Hard!

What the hell were you thinking? hehehe Dieting is so hard, I feel that any moment I'm going to have a break down and eat all the junkies in the fridge. Last night, I slept around 4 in the morning. I was tossing and turning. I was not hungry but I was salavating for food. I felt I was going crazy.

I texted some of my friends for support just to get my mind off the food. I felt the urge for oral satisfaction. It's still is a long way. Now I know how much discipline is needed to loose weight. Right now it's raining and I'm craving for a hot cup of hazelnut mocha from starbucks. WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I'm going balistics here. huhuhu

I wanted to go out tonight but that entails eating and having coffee and booze. I don't know what to do. waaaaaaahhhhhh .... waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh..... crazy crazy ... grrrrr ...

The Minority Report

August 31, End of the month and it's time to do a report about what I achieved for august. I was so bored to go to the gym earlier this day. But I forced myself to go there so I could check whether or not I'm progressing in my biggest loser saga. The past 2 weeks, I have been lax on my diet and gym.

The last time I went to the gym was August 15. I really wanted to go to there but unfortunately I have to go to my derma to do the 2nd session for my warts removal and diamond peel. So I had fresh wounds on my face. I was scared that it would get infected by the sweat. Earlier this day I realize I have to. The main reason for me going to the gym was to get my weight. I've read an article stating that if you're on a diet and exercise you have to use the same weighing scale. I have a bathroom scale at home but the measurements are not precise. The rainy days is weighing me down. I was so sluggish it seems that all I wanted to do is sleep and eat. I was worried because I felt that I was gaining weight again. Then the moment of truth came, I stepped on the weighing scale. At first I tried to put on 225 on the meter and it didn't balance, put on 224, still unbalanced, then 223 still unbalance ... this is getting exciting then finally 222! IT BALANCED! I got 222 so that's another 3 lbs lost! I should be rejoicing but a part of me is saying that I could have lost more if I wasn't stubborn not to go to the gym and focus on the diet.

I'm going to tell a secret. This may be shocking, I feel that I'm turning into a bulimic. The last 2 weeks of August, when I eat a lot I would poke my throat so that all the food that I ate would come out. I feel this is unhealthy. I have to say it because some psychiatrist say that acceptance is the first step. So there, I'm Jex and I'm bulimic. I'm going to try to be a healthy eater again that's my pledge for September.
Here is the chart for the weight lost:


I needed motivation so I went to youtube and look for videos about the biggest loser contest. I stumbled upon the story of Jodie Prenger the winner of BIGGEST LOSER UK. It was so inspiring. I said to myself to focus more this sempter. On the first 7 weeks on the biggest loser camp, she lost a whopping 36lbs. If she can do it so can I. Below is the first video. Click on the second link for the continuation.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_-Y5wSib_o&mode=related&search=

For September, I will be focusing more and I hope I will lose more!

Reinvention Saga

"People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, , fitting in instead of standing out. "
- Warren G.Bennisa

"Are you ready to jump?" as the queen of reinvention Madonna said in her song "jump". This is the thought that is running in my mind while writing this blog. But come to think of it I have already jumped. Jumped into the idea of reinventing myself. hehehe You might be wondering why I am writing about this. I have read from an article that you have to write it down and announce it to your friends so that you have a motivation. That you will be under the scrutiny of other people.

These past few weeks a lot of my regular chatmates for some reason has disappeared from the circulation. Thus, I have nothing left to do. I decided to reinvent myself. I want to look good. Meaning I wanted to loose weight again. "Again", because I have tried so many times to loose weight but eventually failed. What's the difference now you might ask? Downelink has opened my eyes. Because a lot of the people in downelink looked really good and to get hooked you have to be an eyecandy. Funny but true. Light travels faster than sound ... where did that came from? hahaha. Some of them have inspired me to do my share. Two of the guys I have chatted here used to be overweight as in obese! But now they look really good eventhough they say they are still fat, you know who you are guys. Anorexics! Joking! Hehehe love you guys!

Anyway, I have started dieting and going to the gym last week of July. You might be wondering if there are any progress so far. Hmmm a brief history, My last attempt to lose weight started October 2006, and I stopped last February of 2007. From 260 I shed off 31 lounds, My Last weight was 228. I got frustrated because my weight lost went to a plateau meaning I was not losing weight anymore. I tried depriving myself, did all crazy diet stuff so that the weighing scale would move down. Then It went out of control, I got depressed and ate my regular comfort food, carbs and fats that is. Then My birthday came and I realized that another year has passed and still I haven't achieved my goal weight again which is 150lbs, Imagine I need to loose 110 lbs all in all, that's like a whole human being hehehe. Do you see my frustration? hehehe I decided to get with the program again. I checked my weight last week of July and I got 238 lbs, I gained 10 lbs, Ponyeta! Talk about yoyo dieting right? hehehe

I started to lessen my carbo intake, lessen the rice, lessen the breads, lessen the pastas ... all those good stuffs. It's really hard. There are even nights that I can't sleep. It's like withdrawal from drugs ... the difference is carbo, I need to do a study on that if carbo is addictive hehehe. I also did crazy shits just to jump start the weight lost, I won't elaborate on that. After a week I was able to manage to lessen my it, then I stop the carbo intake, talk about cold turkey! I shifted to meat and veggies. I ate all the meat and veggies that I want. I notice that the results were slow. I decided to lessen my food intake but did frequent eating. I notice that the weight lost walloped and I was getting the hang of it. I returned to the gym once or twice a week. I'll be increasing that slowly. I exercise by myself at home. My muscles hurts, I thought I never had them but turns out I'm not all fat hahaha. I'm feeling better now. I'm getting enough sleep and some of my clothes that I wore when I was 228 started to fit again.

I wanted to stop smoking but it's hard. I'll get through that, I'll think of a way.

I started to take care of my skin as part of the reinvention. I learned it from some of my downelink friends. A week ago I had warts removal for my face and neck. It was terribly painful! My skin has almost cleared except for this humongous wound on my nose, remnants of the wart removal. I can't help myself. I always scratch it and it always bleed. I was suppose to go back for checkup but I decided I would go back after the wound clears up. I'll be doing some peeling shits, maybe I'll elaborate it in my next blog.

Now for the good part. Yesterday (August 15), I went to the gym to attend a group exercise. I weighed myself and guess what? Drum roll please! I already lost 14 lbs! This weight lost is getting addictive. It entails a lot of hard work but it's part of the reinvention. Hopefully by November I have already reach 180 lbs and early next year I wish that I have reached my ultimate goal, the 150 lbs goal hehehe.