Bridge

Twice it had happened to me. I would have a friend. The person will be very close. Not knowing that you are falling for that person slowly. You tried to kill the emotion because you know it's not right. Let's call this friend Person 1. Then you have another friend, Person 2. You introduce them and slowly they become close. Then you realize that you are falling for Person 1. Then Person 2 tells you that he/she is falling for person 1. You tried to hide it. Then the inevitable happens. You become the bridge of Person 1 and Person 2. You did, you tried to arrange things for the both of them. But deep inside you are hurting. As a good friend, we don't show our emotions. But as their "getting to know" stage becomes deeper and deeper. You feel that you can't handle it anymore. Pandora's box breaks open and you tell Person 1. He/She then ignores all your rantings and showing that person how much they mean to you.

Then suddenly, out of the blue. Person 1 and 2 hooks up and you are the first person to know. You tried to move away. You tried to forget the emotions. But still you care for person 1 and also for person 2 because both of them are close to you. You wanted to make amense with them but you know you will still get hurt.

Then suddenly you found out that they broke up. And that they both needed comforting. They have no one to go but you. Then both of them reach out. You wanted to get away but you just can't. You tried to be a good friend but you know deep inside that you are not yet healed.

Will you be a good friend to the both of them? Will you try to fix things? You know that they both still love each other. Then all the pains comes back. In the end, you are the one who is affected, you are the one who's left alone.

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DREAMING OF YOU

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you(Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh...I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh...I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Then here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly...

What Lies Ahead (2008)

The year ended for me badly. I needed a jump start, a beacon of hope or whatever. I usually check on my horoscope so that I would have a guide on what to avoid. For none believers, to each his own, besides we control our life, I just needed to peek on the future. hehehe I got this from astrology.com. Just check it out if you want to glimpse of 2008

Chinese Horoscope ( Sheep )

Sheep Ratings

42% (5 favorable and 7 unfavorable months)

After what was probably a very favorable, Pig, year this year might seem like a disaster. It is important, however, for you to understand that you are still looking at five, favorable months. There will thus be plenty of opportunities if you do not get down and let negative emotions get the best of you. Your natural inclination is most likely to follow your heart, but you will do much better this year if you can let your head dictate your actions.

Sheep Career

Your management may be pressuring you this year to work even more. You can find spots for advancement and make progress on your work if you stay diligent with the tasks at hand. The biggest drawback to your year is the pressure on you, and your inclination to say yes and take on more work than you can handle. Be rational about your workload and don't be scared to say no if the load is too much to bear.

Sheep Relationships

For the single Sheep, the Year of the Earth Rat could lead to the blossoming of true love. You may find that temptation to date more than one person falls on you in more than one instance. However, existing relationships could be problematic. Be careful not to be overly trusting or you'll wind up hurt later. At the same time, be wary of rumors and gossip, as they will lead to unnecessary arguments.

Sheep Health

Work could be the drain on you, and the more you are inclined to overwork yourself, the more likely you will be to experience increased stress levels and exposure to illness. While this advice is always good, it is even more so this year under the influence of the Earth element. Do your best to not get down on yourself when things don't go your way. Overall, the year should be one of good health if you take the typical steps towards proper maintenance.

Sheep Wealth

Your finances should be looking up this year. Earth years are good years for saving and planning which bodes well for those that keep a conservative mindset. You may be due for a surprise during one of your down months that could turn out to be unpleasant. Make sure you've tucked away enough to cover the costs associated with an unexpected accident or maintenance.

CANCER HOROSCOPE

OVERVIEW: Cozy Cancer will have a great year focusing on the home front. So much of your energy will be giving more to your personal relationships and partnerships. Security and home is such an important part of your makeup and will take center stage in your priorities. Being emotionally sensitive to good relationships that are nourishing and loving will help add harmony in all aspects of your life. The changes you experience in your life will be deeply felt and lasting.

Positive things come from the deep level of attention you give to these transformational opportunities. You will reap great rewards as you learn to expand your communication skills and be true to your inner self and your own personal needs. You are learning new ways of maintaining harmony in your individuality at work and around friends and family. It is important for you to maintain a positive self-image the way you define who you are and how you feel about life as you bring your energy out into the world.

You desire recognition and the more you focus on keeping up a good attitude about your career and life in general, people that you thought overlooked your good efforts will be your greatest and most supportive allies. New opportunities to venture out on your own in business will open up for you, yet if you decide to stay where you are, you will be reaping financial rewards as well. Keep your optimism strong no matter if you decide to move on or stay where you are. Between juggling your own needs and maintaining balance in your relationships, summer will be a wonderful time to get away and take time out for yourself to enjoy relaxing by the sea, swimming and enjoying life.

CAREER: Your career gets off to a good start early in the year and you will feel as if you are in a good place to help others. You can do almost any type of job with your attention to detail, ability to concentrate and communication skills. You have an inherent love for health and the perfection of the physical body, and may feel called to work on innovative healthcare. You work very well with people and would also make a good arbitrator or lawyer, championing fairness in relationships. You may need to slow down.

Become more aware of how you can more carefully communicate your needs and aspirations. You need your best side to come through loud and clear. With your sharp abilities to focus on your work and the strong mental connection you have to clearly express yourself in a very practical and matter-of-fact way, you can accomplish a lot without expending more energy than needed. Your dreams are idealistic and you are excited about your personal success and positive service to others. You have a tendency toward fastidiousness and perfectionism which helps make you a good detail artist. You have a talent for design wherein beauty and functionality are combined.

Your strong heart connection and passion for excellence may be feeling a little cramped by someone in authority that might want you to take a different direction. New exciting opportunities to venture out on your own may arise. You may feel somewhat restricted in the expression of your passionate nature. Develop more faith in your abilities and have a more positive attitude toward your own innate wisdom and abilities for optimum success this year.

LOVE: By putting so much energy into your individual growth, it won't be surprising if you attract a wonderful new love into your life that reflects all your inner work. Take advantage of the opportunities for adventure that await you as you establish a harmonious relationship this year. You and your true love can nestle away in bliss and have the open communication that is the basis for a solid foundation in your future. Creating balance despite a demanding lifestyle will help you to attract the person you desire.

Having a romantic love in your life will open up your whole existence to feeling wonderful in all areas of your life. You magnify the good feelings you already have, and your partner can match your moods in an uplifting way. The more time you invest in creating happiness within your own heart and mind, the more your whole existence will feel wonderful. You have long awaited a commitment and your passion is hard to hide. Relationship security is very important, so going with the flow and appreciating what you have are will help you gain that which you want.

Stimulating moments can bring struggle and blessings at the same time. Spend time to reflect and meditate if insecurity or feelings of uneasiness strike. Consider practical solutions to move this relationship to the next level. What you do to draw on your inner strength will affect how you manifest expression in all areas of your life. The end of the year will be more fluid, bringing the rewards you are looking for.

New Years Evilution (2008)

I wanted to change for the New Year and this time I am serious. If it sounds evil sorry that would be the new JEX.

1. I will no longer be nice to people that I don't know.

2. Those who have hurt me will pay big time.

3. I will become gorgeous but no one will ever break into my heart.

4. I will treat bitchy people like trash.

5. I will no longer avoid confrontations.

6. I will pay all my debts and they will have debts to me.

7. I will push people (those who hurt me) down to the ground until they hit not rock bottom but hell.

8. I will think of bad thoughts against people.

9. I will not care about people's judgement.

10. They will bow down to me!

11. I will travel the philippines and the world wreaking havoc! those who stands in my way will die!

12. I will be tackless.

13. I will drink and smoke a lot!

14. I will hate nice people.

15. I will splurge.

I can't think of anything else. If you think that's too much! FUCK OFF BITCHES!!!

The Year that WAS (2007)

Brace yourself because this is kinda long! (for the malicious mind there ... yeah i know, I laughed too! hehehe)

New year of 2008, I wanted to blog about something. While I was cleaning the house. It hit me, Why not write about my life that happened 2007).

Mostly, My life in 2008 revolved in chatting. Mainly in downelink (www.downelink.com). Downelink is a chat for gays and lesbians. I heard it from a lesbian friend that there are a lot of gorgeous guys there. 2006 when I started to join Downelink. There where no chat rooms then. I just cruised around. Then when Feb started, there was a maintenance of the site, saying that there will be improvements. I noticed that there was a link now for chat so I logged in. Funny thing. There were no chatters it was only Me. I stayed till people came in. Then I met some new friends that became regular chatters. Then eventually, the chatters increased. Then On May of 2007 the first get together happened. I was just kidding then, that I would help. But the funny thing is, I became one of the organizers. Good thing Geoff was there, he help me a lot during the first get together. I've met new friends. There was 20+ attendees.

After that first get together. The people enjoyed it. And the meetings became regular. Though I didn't attended most of the gatherings.

Before the gatherings I was already on the quest of losing weight. But it was gradual and the motivation wasn't there. I had crushes on the chat site but I couldn't make a move because mainly I was humongous. So I dedicated myself in losing weight. In a span of 1 year I already lost 60+lbs and I below 200 lbs. The last time I was less than 200 lbs was in HS. I know I am still fat because I'm still at 190+ lbs. My goal weight is between 140 - 150 lbs.

before and after pic the right pic was taken dec 25, 2007

After the 1st get together, I met a lot of new friends. Most of them consulted me with their love problems. The funny thing is I was able to give them advice. They said that maybe I have gone thru a lot or had a lot of relationship before. But the truth is I don't. Maybe I just have a fresh perspective in lovelife.

Time went by and I attended some of the get togethers. Met more people. Some of the people became close to me.

The ended with a Christmas party. I became one of the organizers and even hosted it with Geoff.

The weirdest thing that happened to me was that I fell for someone. I never thought that it would happen. I believed before that it was stupid to fall for someone in a chatroom, but I did. A personal friend of mine had a crush on this guy. I introduce my friend to him. But before that I already had a long time crush on that guy. But I hid it. Then I became their bridge. They would run to me if they have misunderstandings. My feelings became deeper and deeper. I felt stupid. My friend and the guy are now together. I'm still mending a broken heart. My year ended bitterly. But I guess, that's how life goes. The ups and downs ... just like a roller coaster.

New years eve, I cooked a simple meal for me and my mother. Most of my sibling already have a family so they spent the it at their own homes. We weren't able to eat it together because I was so tired and hungry that day. I ate first.

Then I went online and greeted the New Year with my two closest online buddies. Rchard and Njay. I am also very excited because they 'll be in manila this January 6.

In a gist, The year flew by so fast. There were problems that happened, some where solved some where not. Met new friends, Fell in love, got broken hearted, and chat ... and chatted more!

This coming new year would be better. That would be on the next blog. See You! hehehe

Kung ako nalang sana

Heto ka na naman
Kumakatok saking pintuan
Muli naghahanap ng makakausap
At heto naman ako
Nakikinig sa mga kwento mong paulit-ulit lang
Nagtitiis kahit nasasaktan ...

Ewan ko bakit ba hindi ka pa nadadala
Hindi ba't kailan lang nang ika'y iwanan nya
At ewan ko nga sa 'yo
Parang balewala ang puso ko
Ano nga bang meron siya
Na sa akin ay di mo makita ...

Refrain:
Kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal
Di ka na muling mag-iisa
Kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Di ka na mangangailangan pang humanap ng iba
Narito ang puso ko
Naghihintay lamang sa iyo, oh-oh-oh ...

Heto pa rin ako
Umaasang ang puso mo
Baka sakali pang ito'y magbago
Narito lang ako
Kasama mo buong buhay mo
Ang kulang na lang
Mahalin mo rin akong lubusan ...
(Repeat refrain)

Kung ako na lang sana, oh-oh-oh..
(Repeat refrain)

Kung ako na lang sana ...

Avoid Stress

I mentioned that two weeks ago, I have been having this migraine. At first it was really serious, I was taking meds but there was no effect.

So I decided to consult a doctor. We don't have a family doctor, so i just walked in to Medical City in fairview. Then I said to the receptionist that I've been having this problems. Then she said that it was an ENT specialist that I need to consult. I was there around 4 pm and they said that the doctor will be arriving at 5 pm. So I decided to walk in the mall. It was really hard for me to walk because of the pain I'm experiencing. After an hour, I went back to the clinic. And the doctor was late! And the worse, I was at the bottom of the list. Damn. I can't endure the pain any longer! So finally After waiting for 2 hrs. It was my turn.

I told the doctor that I have been having this migraine for more than 2 weeks now. And I felt a lump in my neck. Then he examined my ears, my nose and my eyes. He said there was no infection. Then suddenly, He ask me, are you experiencing a lot of stress these past few weeks. And I said yes. After that he gave me my prescription and paid my bill. I walk out of the clinic.

I didn't know that stress would cause that kind of pain. Usually even if I have stress, I don't get migraine. It was really true. For the people out there, try to live a balance life and try to be happy because if you don't it will manifest in you. A migraine, a pimple, eyebags or maybe even cancer.

Live healthy and leave happy!

Random Thoughts 2

I feel like writing today, It's a good day today!
The Weather Man
The weather is freaking fantastic! Actually, it's really gloomy outside. Rain pouring in like there's no tomorrow. But I like it. Am I weird? Some people doesn't like that kind of weather but for me I really love it. It's so peaceful outside, people are in their houses doesn't want to go out. I suggest to put on your favorite sweatshirt doesn't necessarily be new. It's a good time for a hot soup or coffee probably then a good background music (not those suicidal songs) chill-out music perhaps. After dinner, a glass of vodka currant in you're hand while nibbling on some nachos. Doesn't matter if you're with a love one or not. Just try to enjoy it. Feel the serenity of the weather. Ahhh Just love it!
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The Homecoming
On November 18, My mother will be coming home. Mixed emotions coming in but the primary feeling is excitement. It has been a year since my mother left for the US. My brother petitioned him there. In my excitement, I bought new curtains (as in the works, curtain rods and hooks). Partly it's a cover up hehehe. The business she left, kinda fell down but I still manage to retain it but there was a big lost so I'm kind of scared also hehehe

I also got some new ornaments for the our xmas tree. I wanted a gold motif so i bought some gold beads, poinsettia, lace. All Gold! Since I'm on a gold motif hehehe The curtains that I bought was matte gold with gold linings. Hahaha I know what's with the GOLD thing. I posted some pictures: (sorry for the lighting i just used a webcam)


The golden Christmas tree : It's about 8 Feet, I think. The angel on top is a foot away from the ceiling hahaha. I normally don't do this (posting pictures for all of cyberspace to see) but I really love what I've done with the tree.



The Curtains : The curtains is gold too but not the yellow gold but matte, creamish (inventing my own words again hehehe). It looks expensive but I got it from a sale hehehe.




Balls of Fury: Do you see that red things on the right? hehehe the picture is so dark. Last year my motif was for the tree was red. I don't know what to do with those RED BALLS! hahaha So what I did was to tied up the RED BALLS (funny! bwahaha i can't get over it) then hang them! hahaha


BRUNO : The Christmas German Shepard Stuff Toy (try to say that 10 times hehehe)


MORE CURTAIN SHOTS!


And finally, The Traditional Nativity Scene. I think Christmas decors will not be complete. Besides who's birthday is it anyway?

I think Christmas would be better because my mother is coming home. Yahoo!

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Fixing a Broken Heart

It was broken ever since so what's the point in fixing it. hehehe Maybe I should get a new one. Don't yah think?

The Battle Continues

I apologize because most of my blog about my weight lost is mostly discouraging. I feel that I am not exerting enough effort. As I've said on my previous blog it is really hard. Here are the main reason and I guess some people could relate to it.

1. People saying that you're fat - Whenever some people see me and say that I'm really big I feel bad. I feel that I am worthless and the effort that I've exerted is useless.

2. Dining out or Going Out - I wanted to see my friends but I dread it at the same time because I would be eating food that I cannot control. Most of the time we would order different dishes mostly high in carbs and fats. It's hard to stay away. I don't want to seclude myself.

3. Food at the House - Normally what I would do is to separate the food that I eat but whenever I see the food that was cooked for my house mates I get tempted.

4. Alone in the gym - I think it should be a protocol to have a gym buddy. It would be funner to go to the gym because you get motivated and you won't notice the work that you are doing. Though there is a downside, you might end up eating after the workout.

5. Personal Problem - if you have personal problem like family, financial or even love that might affect you a lot. I am an emotional eater so a small trigger would get me off track and start binging in food.

Anyway, I usually weigh myself in the gym, It has been a while since I was able to go to the gym. When I went out with a friend last Sunday, the Mercury drug weighing grabbed my attention. So I tried it on. The last measurement I did was last November of 2006 and my weight then was 240. I tried again after a year and I got 212. so it's like 2lbs in a month, damn I need to increase my effort.

NOVEMBER 2006


NOVEMBER 2007